Sex is not and should not be a competitive endeavor, but maaan, sometimes it can be fun to push your own sexual limits for the thrill of it. Not in a distressing, nonconsensual way, you understand, but in a deliciously challenging way – like beating your previous high score on a video game.
In that spirit, sometimes it’s fun to discover your own size limitations when it comes to penetration. Whether you’re expanding your horizons to accommodate a new partner’s girthy anatomy, to work up to a huge toy you own, to earn bragging rights, to explore new sexual terrain, or just because it feels good, you should adhere to some basic guidelines to make sure you stay safe while you do it.
It is crucially important that you keep everything well-lubricated while attempting to step up your size capabilities. Lubes with a gel-like consistency, like Sliquid Organics Gel, will stick around longer than runnier lubes – but you should still reapply as necessary. What seems impossible without lube is often quite a bit easier once lube gets involved.
“Foreplay” is an important step, whether you’re with a partner or just by yourself. Before you attempt penetration, take some time to get warmed up with whatever methods you know work for you: porn, erotica, external touching, dirty talk, sexting, or anything else you like.
...And you should make use of ‘em! Start with one finger at a time if you have to, and slowly work up to two, three, or even four. (I’m not mentioning the thumb here, because self-fisting is a whoooole other kettle o’ fish…!)
...But actual sex toys are pretty great too. It can be difficult to shove multiple fingers into yourself, particularly if you struggle with mobility or flexibility, and sex toys are an easier alternative. They’re also, of course, often bigger than a few fingers can be. A toy with graduated “bloops” or two differently-sized ends can give you some variety as you work up to larger sizes.
Trying to get a new partner’s 1.75”-wide penis into you is quite different from trying to get, say, a 3”-wide fist-shaped silicone dildo into you. You don’t have to know the exact dimensions of the penetrative object you’re aiming for, but it’s helpful to at least have a sense of the size, so you can find some good in-between toys to use as stepping stones to your goal.
There’s no rush, no matter what anyone tells you. Take your time moving up from one size to the next. You’ll do more harm than good if you switch to a bigger toy before you’re ready for it. Make sure you feel completely acclimatized to what’s currently inside you before you reach for something bigger – and if you’re feeling good where you are, you can totally stay there! There’s no need to keep pushing unless you want to.
When getting penetrated by a bigger object than you’re used to, your body might respond by tensing up or getting agitated. This is a defensive reaction, and there’s nothing wrong with it, so don’t beat yourself up about it – but you’ll go farther toward your girth goals if you can find a way to relax instead. Breathe deeply and slowly, and focus on relaxing the muscles in your genital area. This process might take a few minutes or longer, but it’s worth doing, because there’s less tension and more pleasure on the other side.
It’s so much easier to be penetrated by big objects if you’re getting pleasured at the same time, whether by a vibrator on your clit, a partner going down on you, or any other act that turns you on. Pleasure helps your body relax, and it also creates an association between those good feelings and the potentially strange new sensations of large penetration.
Sex and masturbation should not hurt (unless you want them to, but that’s a whole other discussion!). If you’re pushing your size limits and anything starts to feel uncomfortable or painful, go back to the last thing that felt good before that. Maybe you’ll be ready to try again in a few minutes, or maybe not. Either way, you’ll have respected what your body is telling you, and that’s good.